articles by Doris Helge the Joy on the Job Coach > Banish Bullies at Work
BANISH BULLIES AT WORK
By Doris Helge, Ph.D. © 2008 Syndicated Columnist Joy on the Job Coach Is there a jerk where you work? Have you ever worked with an honors graduate from Bully Bootcamp who intimidated, threatened, humiliated, or dominated other people? Bullies can only thrive in an environment that encourages lies about victims, tyrants, and power. Once you discover the truth, you can banish bullies from your life. Should you beware of the big bad bully? Yes . . . and no. Although it’s true you need to protect yourself from potential negative actions, the key to your freedom from bullies is to understand who’s hiding beneath their frightening facade. Myth #1. Bullies are powerful. Victims are wimps. Truth: Bullies are wimps. Bullies appear to flex mighty muscles, but it’s not because they feel powerful. Most bullies feel insecure, even when they’re in high-level managerial positions. That’s why they use undercover control tactics. Examples include spreading rumors or publicly discrediting a coworker in an effort to gather group support. Myth #2. Bullies target the most vulnerable (the weakest) workers. Truth: Bullies generally target very competent employees. Bullies feel incapable of successfully competing with talented people. Therefore, they almost always try to sabotage the mental health and performance of those they think threaten them the most — the most capable employees. These targets are often also the most popular workers. FIGHT BACK WITHOUT FIGHTING Step #1. Reframe your perception of reality. If you’re being bullied at work, instead of feeling like a wimp, understand that you are perceived as being so competent and well liked that the bully is intimidated. Really let this truth sink in. This is one of your best defenses. Bullies are more afraid of you than you are of them. Otherwise, they would relate to you in a direct, collaborative manner. Since bullies target talented people who are respected, you’re perfectly capable of building your own advocacy network. Support is important because bullies try to isolate their targets. Build a solid support system of coworkers, friends, and family. As long as you are being proactive instead of whining, it may also help to connect with other workers who have been bullied by the same person. Step #2. Ensure your well being. Bullies are shape-shifters. They will play the role of victim to anyone who will indulge their cover up. Although some bullies become explosive, most act in passive-aggressive ways. Either way, you need to take care of yourself. Own your personal power in a safe and constructive way. Since you’re not a wimp, don’t act afraid of a bully. Avoid unnecessary interactions without being submissive. Don’t let bullies know their behavior disturbs you. Since a bully’s goal is control and power, if you refuse to be a target, most will seek another, more cooperative prey. If you work in a company, carefully document situations in which you are bullied — preferably with witnesses. Talk to your Human Resources manager. If you don’t receive the support you need, continue to document abusive situations until you gain a good listener. Always speak in a factual, non-emotional way. If you’re an entrepreneur, disengage from customers who bully. Say “No thank you” when business doesn’t feel right. At a minimum, significantly raise your rates for the extra problems caused by working with a person who could cheat you out of happiness at work. CLAIM JOY ON THE JOB Once you understand the reality of the bully who’s hiding behind a scary mask, you’ll get in touch with your personal power. You deserve a work environment that supports your peak performance. Take action now to gain happiness at work. ________________________________________________________________ Doris Helge, Ph.D., is an executive coach, corporate trainer, and speaker. She is author of “Joy on the Job” and “Transforming Pain Into Power,” published in many languages. Dr. Helge hosts the “Joy on the Job” radio show and www.MoreJoyOnTheJob.com. To discover how to create more fun and fulfillment at work and boost employee retention, contact Dr. Helge at Doris@MoreJoyOnTheJob.com.
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